Sunday, May 16, 2010

And I Thought Cats Would Be Pro-SPCA

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Of Course It's Better

Monday, November 30, 2009

Driving With Miss Theresa

As you may or may not know, my driving records is, um, sketchy at best. (Two accidents in one week in 2001, the second leaving me in the hospital for 26 days, begging for pizza and coke. No pizza and no coke for me.)

A few weeks ago I was driving to see Ms. Hannon in Preble County, Ohio. I left Hamilton on SR 177 and just as I was coming into the "country," a mattress arose out of the bed of the oncoming pickup truck. I had just enough time and room to slow down and pull over a little, but, alas, the mattress got snagged on the side of the truck and was flying right towards my windshield. Disaster averted. The pickup truck pulled into the nearest driveway with the mattress hanging off the bed and I went on my merry way.

A little further down the road, I crest a small hill and see two cars, one on either side of the road. They were in a very dangerous position because coming from my way, you couldn't see them until you were right on top of them. The cars were bad enough, but the interesting thing was the six or so Asian people milling around them.

About a half mile further down the road, repeat above, but with three cars and ten or so Asian people.

Almost to Ms. Hannon's and a deer runs out in front of me; the most normal thing to happen on this 25-minute drive.

Today, I had my first eye exam in over a decade. (Healthy eyes with astigmatism. Woo hoo!) I wanted to stop by the store afterwards. As I'm driving down one-way Park Avenue and the car in front of me makes a left-hand turn from the right lane. Wha? A few seconds later, one of Hamilton's finest pulls me over.

Cop: You okay, ma'am?
Me: I just had an eye exam and my eyes are dialated.
Cop: You shouldn't be driving then.
Me: They said I could drive.
Cop: For the last block and a half you've been driving on the wrong side of the road.
Me: This is a one-way street.
Cop: Not this side of Eaton it's not. Never has been. Do you see those cars parked the opposite direction?
Me (thinking): Well, I do now.
Me: I'm sorry, I thought it was a one way street.
Cop: I don't like to write tickets. Do you think you can handle this?
Me (thinking): Probably not.
Me: Yes. Sorry. Thank you.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

What I Did Today

5:45-6:00--Hit snooze button.
6:00-6:30--Unload dishwaher, scoop poop, feed cats, drink juice.
6:30-7:00--Shower, dress.
7:00-7:10--Pack backpack while wondering what fresh hell I may meet today.
7:10-7:30--Drive to bus stop.
7:30-8:10--Commute on bus.
8:10-12:15 p.m.--Work like a dog.
12:15-1:15--Work out.
1:15-5:00--Work like a dog.
5:00-5:05--Get to bus stop.
5:05-5:50--Commute on bus.
5:50-6:20--Drive home.
6:20-6:30--Change clothes.
6:30-6:32--Feed cats. (Why did I get these cats, I wonder. Oh yeah, because they are the only things that give me joy in this life.)
6:32-7:15--Wash dishes, make dinner.
7:15-7:30--Eat dinner.
7:30-7:31--Get pissed off.
7:32-7:45--Go buy cigarettes, because that's what I do when I get pissed off; instead of doing something positive or enlightening, I harm myself.
7:45-8:00--Go into garage to get lawn mower, discover tank and gas can are empty and decide, "Fuck it."
8:00-10:00--Snip herbs, do more dishes, make pasta salad, make tzatziki, do laundry, water plants, water garden, load dishwasher, pack for camping trip.
10:00-11:00--Wax legs.
11:00-11:15--Smoke cigarettes and drink beer.
11:15-11:25--Write this post because I have so much fucking spare time I don't know what to do with it.
The End.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

No Wonder We're Broke

A few days ago, one of my bosses received a check from the United States Treasury in the amount of $100,600.00. That is the amount of tax he paid, not the amount of tax he OVER paid. How many people would have cashed that check? How many people are cashing their erroneous checks right now? See why we're broke?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

After Five Years of Bitching and Moaning . . .

I finally got my new deck!!!!

Friday, February 06, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day--Cincinnati Style